Post 552611 by thunderace on 2012-12-06 17:14:53
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][COLOR=#282828][FONT=helvetica]Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#282828][FONT=helvetica]"Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#282828][FONT=helvetica]Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said;[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#282828][FONT=helvetica]"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land."[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#282828][FONT=helvetica]Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#282828][FONT=helvetica]Now George Osborne has raised my fuel bills and increased Vat to 20%.[/FONT][/COLOR]
[COLOR=#282828][FONT=helvetica]I've got so depressed that last night I called the Samaritans, but they're trying to save money and they diverted my call to a call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
Post 552617 by stephenevans99 on 2012-12-06 18:08:19
I work for the Samaritans....I tried to call in sick today but the b@stards talked me out of it.
I almost got sacked last year from the Samaritans, I dealt with a suicidal women who was going to leap in front of a train - I told her to stay on the line....oops
Post 552626 by M-R-P on 2012-12-06 18:45:40
Ok here's one...
[COLOR="#EE82EE"]you smoke?[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#0000FF"]yes.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#EE82EE"]What do you spend on fags every day?[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#0000FF"]about £10.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#EE82EE"]that's about £3650 a year![/COLOR]
[COLOR="#0000FF"]and?[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#EE82EE"]how long have you smoked[/COLOR]?
[COLOR="#0000FF"]about 20 years.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#EE82EE"]that's £73000![/COLOR]
[COLOR="#0000FF"]so what?[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#EE82EE"]you could have bought a porsche for that money.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#0000FF"]do you smoke?[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#EE82EE"]no.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="#0000FF"]so where's you're f*%$£ng porsche then?[/COLOR]
Post 555573 by Haizum74 on 2012-12-20 15:56:50
[QUOTE=stephenevans99;552617]I work for the Samaritans....I tried to call in sick today but the b@stards talked me out of it.
I almost got sacked last year from the Samaritans, I dealt with a suicidal women who was going to leap in front of a train - I told her to stay on the line....oops[/QUOTE]
I bet she was 'chuffed to bits' with you